I have clinical depression, and since it seems to be affecting everything in my life right now, I figure I'd better write about it.
I'm getting help from the VA (thanks Dr. Schu and Dianne!), and have applied for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).
What is depression?
"Depression is not something you can just 'snap out of.' It's caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals, along with other factors. Like any serious medical condition, depression needs to be treated." (From http://www.depression.com/ - see links.)
For those of you who think that depression is an excuse to do nothing, please read on:
"Depression Basics
Some people say that depression feels like a black curtain of despair coming down over their lives. Many people feel like they have no energy and can't concentrate. Others feel irritable all the time for no apparent reason. The symptoms vary from person to person, but if you feel "down" for more than two weeks, and these feelings are interfering with your daily life, you may be clinically depressed.
Most people who have gone through one episode of depression will, sooner or later, have another one. You may begin to feel some of the symptoms of depression several weeks before you develop a full-blown episode of depression. Learning to recognize these early triggers or symptoms and working with your doctor will help to keep the depression from worsening."
The symptoms that help a doctor identify depression include:
- constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
- decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
- loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
- a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain
- a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
- restlessness or feeling slowed down
- decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
- feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
- thoughts of suicide or death"
Pay special attention to the last bullet - for those of you who have been closest to me these past few months, you'll know that I have mentioned suicide and/or death a lot.
Suicide: How easy would it be? Just one glass of orange juice for me, and I'll have choked to death in 10 minutes. About the only thing that's keeping me around is CJ, my dog - she depends entirely on me, and she is the most important "person" in my life right now.
Death: As for taking care of myself healthwise, why should I? Why should I work at staying alive any longer than I have to? If it's the one thing I've learned from my father's death, it's to live each day to the fullest, because you don't know WHEN you're going to check out, unless you're planning to (see "Suicide" above).
Also, think about it - my mother - Alzheimer's Disease; her father and sister - ALS; her first cousin - Parkinson's. My father? Heart attack. His mother? Heart attack. His real father? Heart attack. This appears to be a no-brainer on my part - how would I like to die? Hmmm... Would I want to check out quickly, or hang around drooling? Uh, I think I would want to die from a heart attack, so I'm not watching what I eat, not exercising as I should, and I'm smoking again. Of course with MY luck, I'll have a stroke - GREAT... Get me a glass of orange juice - PRONTO!
Here's what's happening in my life RIGHT NOW:
- Getting a free car from a fellow veteran - '94 Dodge Shadow!
- Will be starting work at a friend's gift shop mid-April!
- Being evicted from present apartment May 1st!
Looks like 2 steps forward and 3 back! I figure if worse comes to worst, I can always live in my car...
But Ruthie - why aren't you looking for a social worky kind of job? Well, maybe because I'm needing one at this point, I don't think that I could help anyone else with their problems.
That's about all I feel like posting right now. Let me know what you think.
